When all's said and done, will it matter a jot whether you've been a 'good' person, done the 'right' thing yada yada yada...
It's all about perspective and your own point of view. Do you want to be led or do you want to lead, do you want to follow the 'rules' or do you want to make your own.
We're all gifted with the ability to think, reason and question but from very early age we're discouraged from using any of these abilities, Keep your head down, don't rock the boat, do as your told, don't ask why.
I'm sure you've guessed what my perspective is. I tried the patience of my poor mother on many an occasion with the but why...She didn't have all the answers but was a very wise woman and had her own perspective, (I didn't pick it up off the floor) she used her intuition well and gave me a good start although I may not have appreciated it at the time.
From a very young age I've followed my own path, fast forward and nothing's changed in that department.
I loved growing, harvesting and crafting beautiful seasonal bouquets that have nurtured and nourished the wildlife that lives here but the struggle and heartache with delivery nearly broke my heart and to be honest I should have stopped months ago. The difference between what left here to what arrived to customers was, on far to many occasions, simply not acceptable. Getting out of West Cork with perishable goods isn't easy and then getting them across the country just proved too difficult, I had no control of this vital part of their journey and environmentally and economically it doesn't add up to deliver myself.
It's time to accept it's not meant to be and move on. This wasn't an easy decision to make but I'm not getting any younger and the physical labour of my work has taken a toll on my body, so taking everything into account it's time to be gentle with myself.
When I began studying to be a Soil Food Web Consultant the plan was to continue with the flowers and run things side by side but the universe had other ideas.
I will always have flowers because my wildlife depends on them, especially my precious pollinators and its because of them that I learned so much about having a year round supply and how the things we take for granted or treat as 'weeds' are some of the most important crops and early indicators of problems we will face.
The wealth of knowledge amassed over the years coupled with my new learning is driving me on. A little trepidation but mostly excitement about this next stage of my journey, finishing my training and being part of the solution.